daydreams.

i came to a realization today. a pretty great one.

so many times in my life i have been so concerned about being loved by others. by friends, by boys, and by random people i will never see again. i have this need to be loved by everyone i meet and it tears me apart inside when they dont…more than anyone will ever.

recently ive been really down on myself. boy struggles. i just want to feel loved and i want to be in the great relationships that my friends have. ive felt lonely, unattractive, self conscious, and ive doubted my personality. i havent felt good enough for anyone, and figured thats why im not in a relationship. and most of all, ive felt dumb for thinking these things.

until today.

at church, we sang “how we loves us.” i closed my eyes and really listened to the lyrics this time. “and he is jealous for me. loves like a hurricane, i am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wave and his mercy. when all of a sudden i am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and i realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me. and oh, how he loves us, oh. oh, how he loves us, how we loves us all.”

i just started crying in the middle of church. he is jealous for ME. his affections for me are GREAT. he loves me more than i can ever fathom. why would i want to trade that for any kind of human love out there?

whether i find the person im meant to be with tomorrow, next year, or never, i know that i am loved. i am loved with the greatest possible passion i will ever feel. i am so blessed to have this love, and i will (well at least try to) never doubt that again.

OH HOW WE LOVES US ALL!!